When..

When I  see your eyes, my heart flips

When I  hear your laugh, my heart races

When I  hear you sing, your voice reverberates through my heart and I feel at peace

When I see you blush, I am overcome with affection

When I see you capture the intricate beauties of life, I feel your passion

When you listen to me ramble on, your breathing at the other end drives me mad

When you are in pain, my heart wrenches and makes me want to take you in my arms, away from the pain

When you are concerned for me, I feel loved and taken care of

When you understand me even when I don’t say anything, I feel happy and contented

I am consumed by your thoughts and presence all the time

I am utterly hopeless and restless when we can’t talk. But when we do talk, the time flies

All the same, the silence doesn’t feel awkward either

You are a mystery and charm me in a way, I can’t explain

You drive me insane and yet, you help me keep my sanity

You are my strength and you make me complete

I wish to walk through the roads of life holding your hand, ma amour

I don’t have anything to offer you other than my love and the solemn word of honor that, I will be right beside you always

Listen…Listen with stillness…

Sleep eludes me tonight

I try to listen to my thoughts

But they are too erratic and disconnected

Still, I don’t try to stop my thoughts

Because, every thought is a surprise

The best person with whom you can share your most intimate thoughts is with the Universe

Because, the Universe does not judge/reprimand/rebuke/taunt your thoughts

It simply listens

Our human nature prevents us from this simple acting of ‘listening’ to our fellow being, without reacting/judging/jumping to conclusions

Of course, it is not to say that we humans do not listen, we do. But, we have to practice to listen with stillness

Being non-judgemental should be a virtue which each of us should possess

If we can learn to master this simple act of listening, first to our thoughts and then others, life will be much simpler and less complicated

So, listen. Learn to listen with stillness

Only a mask..

I wish I had the courage to do what I want

I wish I could do things without being judged

I wish I could probe deeper without inhibitions or apprehensions

I wish I needn’t have to answer all of the questions for which I have no answers

I am scared to be myself

I am scared to be ‘someone’ all my life

I am scared that I won’t be able to love again, for now I longer know what is ‘love’

I know pain and hurt, but people think I am numb

I know love and happiness, but people think I am apathetic

I know life and death, but people think I am cold

I am scared that I am turning into the person that people think of me as

For all I know, I can only pretend and wear a mask

I am nothing but only a mask

Only a mask…..

 

 

Illusion or Invisible?

I know you and yet, you don’t know me.

I see you and yet, you don’t see me.

I touch you and yet, you don’t feel my touch.

I whisper in your ear and yet, you don’t hear me.

Then, I wonder if you are just an illusion?

Or, is it that I am simply invisible?

My Story in ‘Chicken Soup for Indian Soul : Teens Talk Growing up’

Why do you tease me?

I know you are lurking around the corner, why do you tease me?

I know you breath softly on my neck whenever I close my eyes, why do you tease me?

I know you brush your fingertips on my lips when I sleep, why do you tease me?

I know you play hide and seek in my dreams, why do you tease me?

I know you are watching me every second.

I know you are waiting for me to come to you.

I will come to you, but please be patient.

You are the end.

You are the inevitable.

I will come to you, but please be patient.

Don’t tease me and make it painful.

Please be kind, dear death.

 

A Story

A Story.

A Story

Once upon time, there lived a woman named Jo.

She was a tall and lean woman, who was loved by all.

She was a kind of woman who didn’t play pranks on other people or taunt them or beat them (except once, when a big fat guy in high school pulled her pony tail despite being warned so many times. Well, she slapped him hard enough so that her finger prints were on his cheek. So, it comes under the category of ‘beating him’ up ) or judge them harshly.

She had friends, but none whom she considered her ‘best friend’.

Her idea of ‘best friend’ was someone who wouldn’t: judge her immediately or rebuke her for her mistakes or tease her for not listening properly (because she had a hearing problem) or pull her leg for doing/saying stupid or accept her as a she is or impose things on her.

Jo was ready to accept the flaws in her and her ‘best friend’, because it is only human.

She was a very sensitive woman and a person who loved and valued life so much (after having had a near-death experience).

She wanted to share everything of her life and experiences with her ‘best friend’.

She wanted her ‘best friend’ to listen to her more importantly, just listen to her without interrupting or drawing conclusions immediately. (She understood the importance of listening from her own experience and hence, she was a good listener)

She wanted her ‘best friend’ to be woman because women are more sensitive, caring, and understanding than men.

Last of all, she wanted to love her ‘best friend’ and be with her always i.e. for life.

Will Jo ever find her ‘best friend’?

Apathy

Apathy is defined as according to Dictionary.com as: absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement; lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

I consider myself as ‘pseudo-apathetic’ these days.

Talking to mom every night/alternate nights depending on whether I am free or not, is being myself.

Walking to CCD for a hot chocolate take-away in tracks, unruly hair, socks and long sleeved kurta, is being myself.

Listening to loud music while working, is being myself.

Reading ‘The Story of Philosophy’ before a class begins or when I take a break in my work in the night, is being myself.

Reading ‘Reading Lolita in Tehran’ while having dinner alone, is being myself.

Crying myself to sleep while fighting the raging desires and for being dropped at the drop of a hat, is being myself.

Trying not to give in to my emotions and be affected by them, is being myself.

I no longer think about what other people think or feel.

I am not selfish.

I am only apathetic.

 

Dear Absent Face

Dear Absent Face,

You are not from the past.

You are not from the present.

Maybe, you are from the future.

I don’t know how and when I will meet you.

But, I just want you to know that my heart pounds at the very thought of your presence.

My heart longs for you even though you have not entered my life yet.

My loneliness is so profound that even amongst hundreds of people, I am lost.

I can’t imagine your face or how you will look because all that doesn’t matter really.

But, all I know is this: When I meet you, I will be at ease and I will be complete.

Till then, music, books and work will keep me going.

I hope to see you soon, dear absent face.